Do I really trust...

Welp.. My attempt at posting every week failed quite miserably haha. Hopefully I'll be better at keeping you guys up to date!

Anyways, not much has really changed since I submitted my primary application. I'm waiting for my application to be verified (basically meaning I'm a legit applicant) before I can really begin the next phase of the medical application process. Luckily though, I stumbled across a forum that lists a lot of the schools secondary application questions so I've been trying to get a head start. If anyone wants to edit my essays, I'll gladly offer a free meal :p

This has definitely been a spiritually challenging process though. With medical school, I feel like there's so much uncertainty. Even though I feel like God has affirmed this decision, I still can't help but feel a sense of doubt. Will schools be interested in my application? Will I even get an interview offer? I mean I hear all these statistics: 5000 applicants to a school, 600 interviews offered, 200 accepted students. So out of the original total number of applications, I have essentially a 4% chance of getting into a school (darn you engineering, making me care about numbers).  Some may say (probably just myself), "well Andrew, you got into graduate school at U of M! That's gotta count for something right?" Honestly, not really. With engineering at U of M, if your grades are high enough, you're basically automatically qualified for the one year masters program. The application process is more of a formality than anything really.

So why am I so scared about the application process? I guess it's not often I face such statistical odds. Let's face it, I've grown up in a relatively safe neighborhood, have a solid group of friends, and have a top notch education. God has definitely blessed me and I don't in any way take it for granted. But you could basically say that I haven't faced any real sort of obstacle/life-threatening moment (except that time I fell off a long board going down a hill...) that has required me to place all my trust in God. I mean, I  always tell myself that "yea I trust in God 100%! my life is in His hands!". Let's be real though, we all struggle with holding something back. It might be our grades, our relationships, maybe even our family. There's always that one thing we just can't quite let go to God. For me, it's always been school.

My fear with med school is that God won't get me into the school I want. That if I don't get into some top 20 medical program, I won't get the education I need to change the world. Then, when I dive deeper, more issues arise. What if the med school's prestige isn't high enough, will I even get a job after I'm done? If I don't get into a top 20 program,will I be stuck in the middle of no where with no friends and no social life. Heck, there probably won't be even be ultimate and I'll become fat and lazy. Over exaggerating much? Definitely. But these are the types of questions that race through my mind, for better or for worse.

Which brings me back to the original point, I just don't trust God enough. I've been wired by our world to look at rankings. Where does U of M rank as a public school? How high/low am I above the average? Am I within the standard deviation? How much money am I going to make? These are the questions that I feel like have been ingrained into my head, but the questions that God doesn't want me to ask. Rather, God wants me to ask, how can I love, serve, AND obey Him (Hole in Our Gospel - Richard Stearns). Everything else will fall in to place if I keep asking that question over and over again. I won't have to worry about what school I get into; I won't have to worry about how prestigious the school is; I won't even have to worry about whether I'll make friends. As long as I love, serve, and obey God, I'll be at the center of His will and everything else will fall in to place.

Trusting God sounds so easy, but it definitely isn't. But I take comfort in knowing that it wasn't easy for other Christians. Was it easy for Abraham, Moses, David, Paul, even the disciples (just to name a few) to trust God? Definitely not. Regardless though, God still finds a way to work in their lives and show them He is trustworthy. I think medical school is definitely part of that process for me. I really need to let go of my fears and trust that God's plan for me is good, wherever it may lead me. I need to trust that by loving, serving, and obeying Him, everything else will fall in to place. What it all comes down to is, I just need trust God with everything.